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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 10:01 pm 
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An easy way to do that, Fluffyface, would be to have an animal attack or a large weather related phenomenon. Then there is no real antagonist, simply problems that people have to overcome. Though, the problem with that is that it's hard to provide closure because the weather will always be there and could happen again at any time...

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2012 11:15 pm 
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I'm not really sure. I already have a good bit done and the way I've started it off, I don't think it's gonna turn into a bunch of short stories. I'll post the first chapter when I'm done. I'll probably be able to come up an antagonist once I get further in my story thingamagig. But feel free to help come up with an antagonist and background for it and etc.

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2012 8:26 pm 
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Hey guys! I had Seer proof read this and decided it was worthy to post. I am going to post the first chapter of my novel. I don't have a name for it, but I'm sure you guys can help me come up with one. Anyway *pulls curtain that just appeared along with a stage and audience* I present, the first chapter of my book. Just keep in mind, that I am an amateur writer. Hope you guys like it.


Chapter 1


Hertova woke up to rays of sunshine dancing all around her room. She felt so relaxed and just wanted to savor this, but then she remembered what day it was, Market Day. She jumped out of bed and rushed to breakfast. “Good Morning Speedy Gonzales,” Pecota teased. “Morning Mom” Hertova greeted cheerfully. “What’s for breakfast?” Hertova asked her mom. “Cereal” Pecota replied. “Yum” Hertova commented as she prepared her favorite cereal,Fruit Loops. While sitting down and eating, Hervota asked,”Where’s dad?” “He’s packing up all our equipment,” her mom answered as she cleared the table. “Speaking of which,”Hertova decided,”I better get going.” She put her dishes in the sink, washed them, put them up, and headed to her room. “Let’s get this show on the road”, Hertova said to herself.

She took a plain white shirt out of her neat closet. The inside of the closet door was decorated with cool pictures she made, cut out of magazines, or got from friends.She took out her orange and dark blue stencils and designed her shirt swiftly with swirls and different shapes. Giving the finished shirt a satisfied look, she slipped it on and walked back to her closet and selected a pair of blue butterfly designed jeans. She jumped in them, and casually collected all the art supplies she would need. Once that was done, she put them in her art tool belt and strapped in on. She recalled how happy she was when she had gotten it for her 12th birthday.

“Last one”, her parents said passing Hertova her a box decorated with art easel wrapping paper splattered with all of Hertova’s favorite colors. “I’m putting all the cool wrapping paper on my closet door”, Hertova said excitedly. When she opened the small, rectangular box, she was totally unprepared for what was in the box. In the box, was a white leather art belt with all sorts of pockets and compartments for her favorite art supplies. “Is...is this what I think it is”, Hertova softly stuttered. Yohim, Hertova’s dad put his arm around Pecota,”We thought it was time you got your first art belt. Your mom made it for you”.“I made it white so you can color it however you like, and I’ll show you how when you want”, Pecota added. “I can’t believe it, I....I love it. Thanks mom. Thanks dad. This has just turned into the best and most memorable birthday ever”, Hertova exclaimed as she marveled over the belt. “Let’s go decorate it now”, she urged. “Maybe tomorrow”, her parents said with a smile,” your birthday’s not over yet, which means your birthday surprises and fun aren’t over either,”they said with sly smiles creeping across their faces.

Hertova snapped the buttons of her belt and headed to the kitchen to bid her mother farewell. “I’m heading to the market mom”, Hertova called out. “What do you plan on doing at Creative Cove this time”,her mom asked. “You’ll see”, Hertova said as she gave her mom a mysterious smile. “Have fun, sweetie”, her mom said. Hertova smiled at her mom and went out the front door. She felt extremely relaxed as she made her way towards the center of Artesa, where the market was held every 2 weeks. Just as Hertova was about to embrace the beautiful bliss, her friend Ebifu swung out of a tree and landed right beside her. She laughed as Ebifu picked all the leaves and twigs out of his hair. “Hi”, Ebifu said. “What were you doing up there?” asked Hertova. “I was working on a new project” Ebifu said. “What kind of project?” Hertova inquired. “I’m trying to make art out of plants”, he explained. “Most of our supplies are made out of plants”, Hertova reminded him. “I know, but I meant like decorating trees and bushes”, Ebifu responded. “Sounds cool”, Hertova commented.”What’s even cooler,” he added”is that I painted a vine on that tree I was in, and a week later, there was vines growing all over the tree”, he finished. “No way”, Hertova exclaimed.”Yup, so I’ve added flowers and a few other things making it a natural work of art, sorta”, Ebifu informed. “I like it” Hertova, approved. “You can help me”, Ebifu offered. “Sweet, can’t wait”, Hertova accepted. “We’re almost there,”she said anxiously. “You want to get to the Creative Cove soon, huh”, Ebifu observed. Hertova remembered how Creative Cove got its name.

It all started about a year ago. Hertova was at the market and had just gotten a great idea for a painting. She decided to find a peaceful place to work on her painting. She wondered around a while, but then noticed a dark alley beckoning her out of the corner of her eye. She’d seen this alley before on market days, but was usually too busy hanging out with Ebifu and Leera to care or explore it. But this she couldn’t pass up this opportunity to exlore this very cool alley. Hertova walked through the alley, but stopped at a spot of the alley where a gleam of sunlight shone on a wall of the alley. The gleam of light on the wall revealed the wall’s beautiful brick pattern and scars telling so many stories that it overwhelmed Hertova. She felt a connection with the wall, as if it was a trusting friend. She instantly knew this overlooked alley was the perfect place to paint her masterpiece. Hertova hated painting with brushes and favored using her fingers so that she could feel the texture of her painting material. She began the wonderful masterpiece starting with gray then blue, then green and the more colors she used the closer the her project looked to being finished. When she was done, she was so satisfied that she just stood back in silence for a few moments.

Her painting was a pit in the middle of valley surrounded by jungle. Tigers, snakes, monkeys, slugs, and other jungle inhabitants stared curiously down at what was in the pit. In the pit, was a small wooden treasure chest holding a splendid looking black leather Bible casting a majestic glow upon the animals. The moment was interrupted when Hertova her mom calling her. She told her mom about her project all the way back to Cosmita. The next market day, as soon as Hervota could, she made her way to the alley. She sighed as she entered the comfy alley. She started painting on another part of the alley wall, but quickly stopped. Painting on the other part of the wall was nowhere near as much fun as her little spot on the wall where the sunlight gleamed. Hertova also realized that if she painted a different part of the wall each market day, she would quickly run out of places to paint. She quickly left and asked her parents for advice and they told her that she should clean the wall and then paint again. Hertova hated the idea of washing away her amazing painting. She got mad at her parents and went to play with her friends.

Later on, Hertova wanted to show Leera and Ebifu her great artwork. They both loved it. Then Hertova complained about her problem and her parents strange solution . Leera and Ebifu both agreed that it would be a shame to wash the painting away. So Hertova decided to stop painting there. Then Leera, Ebifu, and Hertova went to play. Hertova made a commitment that she wouldn’t pain at the next market day, but Leera and Ebifu couldn’t play all the time and every time Hertova had spare at the market, she started thinking about her alley. Hertova couldn’t stand not painting, so she got a bucket of water, a rag, and headed to the alley. She didn’t think she could do it, when Ebifu popped up and asked to help. Once they started, they found a way of making it fun and finished quickly. Then Ebifu asked her what she was going to paint. At first she had no answer, but then she came up with an answer. She decided to paint Ebifu on a lion in a great battle. Ebifu asked her how she came up with such a creative answer so quickly.”This alley just draws out all my creativity and molds it into great ideas for art”,Hertova replied. “You should call this place the Creative Cove,”Ebifu suggested. Hertova loved the name and since then called it Creative Cove and made a habit of washing away her painting right before she went back home to Cosmita.

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Sun Aug 05, 2012 2:30 pm 
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I like it! I like how at the start...it feels like a regular realistic fiction story...but as it goes on you can tell it's something different entirely... I like. :D But I want to read on to find out what happens!!!! D: D:

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Tue Aug 07, 2012 8:38 am 
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I really like the bit where she draws on her shirt before putting it on. :D That is cool.


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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:30 pm 
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Lady Rwebhu Kidh wrote:
I really like the bit where she draws on her shirt before putting it on. :D That is cool.
Dito. (: That was cool. And her art belt...

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2012 1:34 am 
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Those were some of my favorites. It seemed to fit with the theme of her kingdom and I loved the idea of it.

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2012 6:06 pm 
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I still have some editing to finish on it though. I haven't gotten much work done :beg: Feel free to make suggestions.

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:38 pm 
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Read partway through the first chapter i like it as well its very believable but at the same time there is a fantasy aspect to it .... :D

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:05 pm 
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Thank you :dieshappy:! I really appreciate that. I am a rookie, if you had not noticed, so I really appreciate your compliment.

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 Post subject: Re: A whole new world
PostPosted: Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:58 am 
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I haven't checked in with you for a while, Fluffy! How is your world building, and you writing coming along? :)

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All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king

J. R. R. Tolkien


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