Science Humor

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Post Thu Nov 07, 2013 7:04 pm

Science Humor

A companion thread to the quote thread. Jokes, pictures, and comics should go here.
Please post in moderation. Anyone caught "spamming" or posting huge amounts of graphics will be contacted.
Please keep it clean. Nothing above PG-13 as per the forum guidelines, and no sexual content please.
Feel free to simply provide a link to things you are not sure are out of bounds with an appropriate warning.
Floyd was frozen where he stood. He struggled to breathe, but the air smelled of blood and death and guilt. He tried to formulate a name, to ask, but language was meaningless, and words would not come. He tried to scream but the sound got stuck in his heart, shattered into a million pieces, and scattered to the wind.

In a world without superheroes, who will stand against the forces of evil?

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Post Mon May 26, 2014 10:59 am

Re: Science Humor

My brother told me most of these and I found them funny, but they probably not original, so I take no credit. Well, my brother and my sister-any and all Borg ones come from my sister. I apologize ahead of time for my weird humor.

We are Borg. ESC is futile CTRL is inevitable.
Easy way to kill the Borg: have them assimilate a Windows computer.

Knock, knock
Who's here?
Doctor.
Doctor Who?
Exactly!

And these are just here because this says science humor.

Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium, and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium.
How do you know the moon is going borke? It's down to its last quarter.
Why can't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What are cations afraid of? Dogions.
What does the Cheshire Cat and cations have in common? They're both positive.
Where does bad light end up? In prism.
What do you call an educated tube? A graduated cylinder.
Two chemists order some drinks. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." The second one dies.
Power doesn't have a very good job-he always has to work over time!! (P=w/t)
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
A photon checks into a hotel and the bellhop asks if he can take his luggage. The photon says, "I don't have any. I'm traveling light."
"Lords of the Mountains, come down from your heights.
Come down to the valleys beneath diamond nights."


"Maids of the Valleys, we come from our heights
To dance in your forests beneath the sky's lights."

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Post Mon May 26, 2014 3:32 pm

Re: Science Humor

Charlotte Jane wrote:Two chemists order some drinks. The first one says, "I'll have some H2O." The second one says, "I'll have some H2O, too." The second one dies.
:rofl: That's great. H2O2 :rofl:

What instruments do quantum-scientists play?
Strings.
Surely God is my salvation, I will trust, and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation. ~Isaiah 12:2

Whatever. CARPE NOCTEM!

GUYS IMMA PUBLISHED AUTHOR *CLICK ME*
Lady Kitra Skene wrote:Hitler and flamingos will always remind me of Abi.
Kya Lightwing wrote:I think "IDK ask Gael she'd know" is the story of everyone's life... :D
The Dark Golden Dreamer wrote: You kill people, Gael. D: How can I not die over that?
Sometimes I wonder about the reputation I have here....:rofl:

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Post Mon May 26, 2014 3:51 pm

Re: Science Humor

Lady Abigail Mimetes wrote:What instruments do quantum-scientists play?
Strings.

*laughs*

And thanks!

For people who don't want to look it up, it's hydrogen peroxide. Or so Google says...And wikipedia.
"Lords of the Mountains, come down from your heights.
Come down to the valleys beneath diamond nights."


"Maids of the Valleys, we come from our heights
To dance in your forests beneath the sky's lights."

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Post Mon May 26, 2014 4:25 pm

Re: Science Humor

*nods* aye. And for those who don't look it up but get it anyways: they're a bit quark-y, but science is obviously their element.

The school was in a small town; the science teacher was also the baseball coach. He made sure to tell his students to keep their ion the ball.
Surely God is my salvation, I will trust, and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation. ~Isaiah 12:2

Whatever. CARPE NOCTEM!

GUYS IMMA PUBLISHED AUTHOR *CLICK ME*
Lady Kitra Skene wrote:Hitler and flamingos will always remind me of Abi.
Kya Lightwing wrote:I think "IDK ask Gael she'd know" is the story of everyone's life... :D
The Dark Golden Dreamer wrote: You kill people, Gael. D: How can I not die over that?
Sometimes I wonder about the reputation I have here....:rofl:

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Post Mon May 26, 2014 8:42 pm

Re: Science Humor

*laughs*

A student got brought home a report card with a C, an F, an F, an F, and an F. She showed it to her parents and said, "Look! Carbon Tetraflouride!"
"Lords of the Mountains, come down from your heights.
Come down to the valleys beneath diamond nights."


"Maids of the Valleys, we come from our heights
To dance in your forests beneath the sky's lights."

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Post Sat Jun 28, 2014 4:07 am

Re: Science Humor

Protons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic! :D

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Post Sat Jun 28, 2014 11:12 am

Re: Science Humor

If Iron Man and the Silver Surfer teamed up, they would be alloys.

One day, Einstein, Newton, and Pascal meet up and decide to play a game of hide and seek. Einstein volunteered to be “It.” As Einstein counted, eyes closed, to 100, Pascal ran away and hid, but Newton stood right in front of Einstein and drew a one meter by one meter square on the floor around himself. When Einstein opened his eyes, he immediately saw Newton and said “I found you Newton,” but Newton replied, “No, you found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!”.

How to determine ones proffesion with question "Are all odd numbers greater than two primes?"
Lawyer – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9, there are not enough evidence that 9 isn't a prime, …
Traveling salesman – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 11 is a prime, 13 is a prime, 17 is a prime, …"
Psychologist – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 isn't a prime but it's in denial, …
Statistician – "Let's pick on random – 23 is a prime, 223 is a prime, 1993 is a prime – it is probaby true…"
Engeneer – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is a prime, 11 is a prime, …"
Physicist – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 7 is a prime, 9 is experimental error, …"
Programmer – "3 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 5 is a prime, 5 is a prime, …"

If H-two-O is the formula for water, what's the formula for ice?
H-two-O-cubed.
"Lords of the Mountains, come down from your heights.
Come down to the valleys beneath diamond nights."


"Maids of the Valleys, we come from our heights
To dance in your forests beneath the sky's lights."
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Post Fri Jul 18, 2014 9:20 am

Re: Science Humor

Moonrabbit wrote:Protons have mass? I didn't know they were Catholic! :D
Oh, this one is awesome.... :rofl:

Where do y'all get all these? XD

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Post Fri Jul 18, 2014 6:26 pm

Re: Science Humor

Mistress Rwebhu Kidh wrote:Where do y'all get all these? XD


Me? I just searched 'science jokes' on Google and then flipped through the links. I can't remember which sites these came from. Oh! And my brother. And some (a very few) I thought up.

I don't know where he gets his.....
"Lords of the Mountains, come down from your heights.
Come down to the valleys beneath diamond nights."


"Maids of the Valleys, we come from our heights
To dance in your forests beneath the sky's lights."

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